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Ask A Pastor: What Should I Look for in a Godly Wife?

Question:

What should I look for as I pray and look out for a godly wife?

Answer:

I should look with specificity. I don’t mean that we should specify what colour of hair she should have, how tall she should be, etc. I mean, as a young man I need to fear the Lord, and I must seek for a young woman who fears the Lord. It’s non-negotiable!


You see, this is where the church in the days of Noah went wrong (Gen. 6:2). They saw that the daughters of the world were beautiful. They were attracted—physically—to them. Now, attraction for another person is not wrong in considering who to date. But if it’s the only motivation, that is not good. These young men were not concerned with the unconverted condition and the unbelieving heart and life of these outwardly beautiful girls. Outward beauty was all that mattered to them. They were drawn by their figure, by their face, and by their beauty and nothing more.


The Bible warns us against drawing conclusions just because of outward appearance. A beautiful woman who lacks discretion is like a jewel of gold in a swine’s nose (Prov. 11:22). She has outward beauty, but no grace; and that is like a gold ring in the snout of a pig. Instead, “a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised” (Prov. 31:10).


Young men should not seek for beauty that is just skin deep. It is possible to be beautiful on the outside, but ugly on the inside. Real beauty, lasting beauty comes out in the fear of the Lord. No matter how attractive they may be, even if they are church-going, but if they don’t desire to fear the Lord, don’t even start a relationship with them! Don’t say: “I will change them.” Remember, marriage is till death do us part, and if your wife does not fear the Lord, she will be a snare to your soul, and the souls of your children.

“Real beauty, lasting beauty comes out in the fear of the Lord.”

You need to find someone who fears the Lord. Then it is clear that you need to fear the Lord yourself too, and seek to know the grace of God in your own heart and life.

Not just any spouse will do. A prudent wife is from the Lord (Prov. 19:14b). Prudent = wise; the opposite of a fool. A fool does not listen to advice (Prov. 12:15); is contentious (Prov. 20:3); is lazy (Prov. 19:15).


Let me give a few more hints: a young man should look for…

  1. A woman who displays a desire to voluntarily submit to a man’s loving leadership (Eph. 5:22; 1 Pet. 3:1).

  2. A woman who has spiritual knowledge, maturity and a desire to manage the home and raise children (Ps. 128:3; 1 Tim. 5:13-14; Tit. 2:2-4)

  3. A woman who possess both inner beauty and outward modesty (1 Pet. 3:3-5; 1 Tim. 2:9-10)

  4. A woman who is gifted to be a suitable helper to the man (Gen. 2:18).

All this should be done prayerfully, looking to the Lord who brought Eve to Adam, and through various providences still brings to every man his wife.

Pastor Lawrence 


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