Hospitality

I was standing in the narthex after the service with hordes of churchgoers crowded around me. The noise was overwhelming, and with all the conversations going on around me, I felt embarrassed that I was seemingly the only one not talking. I stood there for a few more minutes, hoping that someone would realize I was alone and take pity on a new visitor, rescuing me from this awkward stance outside the circles of young adults all around me. No one did. Eventually, I slowly slipped out of the church, seemingly unnoticed, and went home feeling defeated. I wondered if anyone had even known I was there at all.

Perhaps this experience might feel familiar to you if you’ve visited a new place. Not knowing anyone in a new social environment can feel intimidating, especially in a new church, the place we go to feel most connected to other believers. One mark of a true church is its hospitality. The church is not new to the idea of hospitality and hosting others, as we have many Biblical examples of believers providing meals (Abraham hosting angels unawares, Genesis 18), letting strangers stay in their homes (Elisha and the Shunammite woman, 2 Kings 4) and even paying for care and overnight accommodations for someone in need (the Good Samaritan, Luke 10). But what can hospitality look like when you don’t have your own space to host in? When you don’t have an extra room in your house to have guests sleep over? When space is tight, and having the whole church over for a hymn sing would be more uncomfortable than cozy? When your budget is tight, and having many dinner guests would put a severe strain on making money last?

Hospitality is defined in Oxford’s dictionary as “the friendly and generous reception and entertainment of guests, visitors, or strangers.” Notice that there is no mention of inviting people into your home or feeding them a meal, although these are some of the main ways we show our hospitality. Rather, hospitality is more of a mindset and approach towards serving others in the way we make them feel welcomed and included. Many people might believe that hospitality is only reserved for those that have large homes that can accommodate a crowd, or an extra guest room. They think they need to be able to serve a three-course dinner and make sure the baseboards are dusted before guests come over. Or as young adults, we can think it’s reserved for people with their own homes. Many of us might still live with our parents, and commandeering Mom’s kitchen to host a dinner party or offering up the spare room to a stranger you met at church might not be feasible.

So if we don’t have our own house and our own kitchens, how can we show this vital sign of Christ’s love to others both within and outside our congregation? Well, as the personal story at the beginning of this article might suggest, the single most impactful

action you can do for a stranger in your church is to NOTICE them. A visitor at church is in a vulnerable position where they often want to meet people, but might be too shy to approach, especially if conversation circles have already formed after the service. Who wants to approach a back already turned to them? There might also be the uncertainty of not knowing anyone when everyone else at the church knows everyone else. In Dutch circles especially, where you can’t step foot in a Reformed church without meeting a new third cousin thrice removed, or running into a old lady who takes one look at you and declares that “Well don’t you look just like a insert last name here ” with 100% accuracy, anyone who isn’t part of that kind of community by birth can naturally feel like an outsider.

As members of our local church where we have friends, we will naturally gravitate to talk to the same people after the service. But have you stopped to take a look around and notice those who might stand alone? Who might actually be members of your church, but aren’t standing in a circle of smiling congregants? Maybe they are separated from you by decades, and you aren’t sure what to talk to them about. “Someone else will talk to them, I’m only in college- what could we possibly have in common?” you think. Or seeing a new visitor, “Yikes, I guess they didn’t get the dress code. They probably are looking for a happy clappy church and won’t come back anyway”. Perhaps you know that if you go and talk to this person, the conversation will center entirely around them. “Every time I try to talk to her, the entire conversation centers on her aches and pains!” “Every time I talk to him, he just bores me with his hunting stories that are way too crazy to be truthful.”

Maybe you are having a fun conversation with your friends, trying to get the chance to fall into a chat with that cute guy or girl, or just want to leave church to get a head start on your Sunday nap. In other words, maybe it is simply inconvenient to notice others.We can get so caught up in our comfortable bubble that going out of our way to have a possibly awkward interaction is not top of mind. This sinful desire to do what is easiest for us boils down to selfishness and self-preservation. Putting ourselves in an uncomfortable situation surely isn’t mandated in Scripture, right? We do exactly what we want to do, and we aren’t doing anything WRONG by not greeting that person, right? Not EVERYTHING is our responsibility!

Wrong. Jesus speaks often about kindness to others, and he frequently showed His compassion to the societal rejects of His time. The ones who were on the sidelines, overlooked or looked down on, awkward and afraid. Most strikingly, Jesus tells us what we do when we are kind to a stranger in Matthew 25:35-40:

For I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me.

Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You drink? When did we see You a stranger and take You in, or naked and clothe You? Or when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’

And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.’

We don’t need a spare room or a casserole dish to show hospitality. We can all start by noticing the people all around us, both within and outside our congregations. Be bold and obey Jesus’ command to “do unto others as you would have them do to you.” You don’t need to be a great conversationalist or an extrovert- God will give you the words to speak. Even a smile and acknowledgment of your fellow churchgoers can make them feel welcome and included in the body of Christ. Go and talk to the strangers. Do it with shaky hands and an awkward smile. Do it when it conflicts with your desires for ease. Do it when it doesn’t benefit you.

And most importantly, do it to glorify your Father, the one so hospitable, so kind and merciful that He is preparing an eternal home for His people in Heaven.

~ Katrina Van Grouw